SATIRE: Welcome to Fascbook

Welcome to Fascbook!

Are you tired of constantly having your social media accounts suspended? And how about downloading new apps every time your favorite gets banned for “incitement”?

Introducing Fascbook: for all your coup organizing needs!

With one simple, encrypted download from fascbook.onion, you’ll become part of a brand-new community of freedom lovers who want to express their views without the radical left’s ultra-woke echo chambers. Talk about eagles, guns, and “states’ rights” all you want! Anyone caught advocating for the anti-speech rhetoric of the woke mob will be swiftly #canceled by our Platform Content Police and Speech Soldiers. But we’re a family here! Call them the PC Police and the S.S. for short.

We’ve found a way to avoid getting kicked off the App Store that’s as American as apple pie. With this loophole, you can say you would like to storm the Capitol and kidnap the Vice President, but you can’t say when you will storm the Capitol and kidnap the Vice President.

In addition to our free speech haven, you can take advantage of our advanced facial recognition technology and geolocation so that you can easily find your local representatives or police officers who are members of the Fascbook community.

If you’re more of a QAnon collector than an active Patriot, check out Fascbook Marketplace, where you can buy, sell, and trade Patriot merch! Did you have your eye on that Congressional lectern? Or what about Nancy Pelosi’s envelope? With Fascbook Marketplace, you can compare prices and shop around for a steal. To make sure you get the best deal, no J*ws are allowed.

Join Fascbook today!