SATIRE: Plans for the Construction of the Trump Presidential Liebrary
“America is the place where anything can happen. America is the place where anyone can rise. And here, on this land, on this soil, on this continent, the most incredible dreams come true, if you pay off the right people.” — Donald J. Trump
New York, NY — The Trump Family is pleased to announce the formation of the Trump Foundation in order to begin planning the Trump Presidential Archives Center. As has been tradition since the age of President Herbert Hoover, The National Archives and Records Administration (NARA) will establish a library in the president’s home state of New York. This library will contain documents and artifacts relating to the president’s life and political term.
Out of respect for his passionate supporters, Mr. Trump has opted to remove any use of the consecutive letters ‘lib’ from his future projects. Thus, the center will be known as the Trump Liebrary.
While an architect has yet to be selected, some of the documents that will be featured in the library include the following:
- The president’s full-page newspaper ad in favor of the death penalty for the Central Park Five
- The Access Hollywood tape
- Blueprints for a Trump Hotel, Moscow
- Printouts of every one of his nearly 60,000 tweets
- Overstock of every book Mr. Trump ever ghost wrote
- Handwritten notes from Eric Trump asking if his father loves him
- The most influential books in the former president’s life, including the entire Bob Books collection and Lolita
The Trump Presidential Liebrary will be located in a 300 square foot studio apartment in New York because Mr. Trump has shredded every document he has ever come into contact with and there is nothing left and we don’t need more space than that.
