I am a pothole. Here’s why I won’t be voting in favor of the infrastructure bill.

Doesn’t anybody care what I want? Potholes have feelings too. Maybe I shouldn’t take it personally, but when the one thing that Republicans and Democrats can agree on is getting rid of — well, me — it’s hard not to. Do you know what it’s like to have everybody hate you? You don’t know what I’ve been through. Yeah, I know, I’m a nuisance. Sometimes I cause car accidents and broken ankles, and when I fill up with water you have no idea how deep I am. Oh, you have thalassophobia? Sorry. I can’t help it. But where else am I supposed to keep my thoughts and feelings? I don’t even have a brain! I am literally just a hole in the ground!

You won’t be able to change my mind if I feel condescended. But maybe someone could ask what I want for a change. Maybe I like the open streets era of the pandemic! Do you think I actually like it when cars fall into me? I’ll just be having a regular day, not bothering anybody, and all of a sudden there’s a car tire all up in my business. Then AAA will come and check that the car is okay, but nobody even thinks about asking me how I’m doing! Actually, sir, I’m not okay!

Like, seriously. You mean to tell me that the leaders of our country couldn’t come to a bipartisan agreement about, say, teacher pay? But everybody wants to get rid of me?

Oh wait. The bill didn’t pass? Phew. I guess I’m okay for now. Thank goodness for Duverger’s law and the ineffectiveness of the two-party system.

Wait. Are those the TikTok fact or cap guys? What are they doing here? You’re gonna do WHAT with those ramen noodles???? Stay back! NOOooooOooOo…